


I Can Only See My Future In My Rearview

by unfriendlyblackhottie



Series: G.O.A.T [1]
Category: Hockey RPF, Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Original, Disabled Character, Disabled Character of Color, Friends to Lovers, Hockey, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Original Character(s), Pining, YouTube
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 11:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10920642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unfriendlyblackhottie/pseuds/unfriendlyblackhottie
Summary: "Late last night youtube personality Axelle Hall, aspiring musician and disability advocate, uploaded a video entitled ‘Best Friend Tag’ and many fans were shocked to see hockey pro Ian Hardison as the aforementioned best friend. The two recounted childhood memories and shared inside jokes for the thirteen minute video. The video even takes an emotional turn that had us all clutching our chest. In other news someone should call Corey Milton to see if he’s alright."





	1. Best Friend Tag

**Author's Note:**

> Completely original work. Nearly no real hockey players will be seen though they will be mentioned. 
> 
> Title from Andra Day's Rearview

**Ian Hardison does best friend tag with childhood friend; Somewhere in Los Angeles Corey Milton cries.**

 

_ Late last night youtube personality Axelle Hall, aspiring musician and disability advocate, uploaded a video entitled ‘Best Friend Tag’ and many fans were shocked to see hockey pro Ian Hardison as the aforementioned best friend. The two recounted childhood memories and shared inside jokes for the thirteen minute video. The video even takes an emotional turn that had us all clutching our chest. In other news someone should call Corey Milton to see if he’s alright.  _

 

Below the article is a link to the video. Axelle laughs so hard at the article he decides to watch the video again, though he never really watches his videos once he’s done uploading unless it’s to respond to comments. 

_ Hey guys  _ Axelle on screen says  _ So I’ve been wanting to make this video for a while but I always put it off when the moment arises but I finally have it here for you today, the best friend tag. I have my best friend Ian here with me today and we’re going to be answering some of the tag question and also some questions some of my irl friends ask me all the time so let’s get to it.”  _

On screen Ian reads the first question off the tablet in his lap. “ _ How and when did you meet? We were five at the time, I think. If I can count right. So my mom was a nurse and I used to have to sit in the hospital after school while she finished her shifts and I was always sneaking out of the daycare because it was so fucking boring in there and one day I saw Axelle and I mentally decided he was going to be my new best friend.” _

_ Axelle laughs, “Nevermind the fact I was there to potentially have brain surgery.” _

_ “It’s not my fault epilepsy is an invisible illness. You should’ve been more visibly disabled.” _

_ “Speaking of epilepsy why don’t you tell everyone your reaction to the first time you saw me having a seizure.” Ian frowns at Axelle and looks directly at the camera. _

_ “Look. I was six. I didn’t understand what was happening. I was scared so I started screaming which I think is a very natural reaction when your friend starts convulsing in front of you.” _

_ “No. He’s playing it down. He started screeching like a banshee. And he did not stop. Most people would have stopped when a doctor showed up. Most would have stopped when four doctors showed up. He screamed for over ten minutes, and let me tell you I’ve never had a seizure that lasted more than six minutes. His mother had to literally shake him to get him to calm down.” _

_ “It was scary! I panicked. I’m a high strung person. What was I supposed to do? Not scream?” _

_ “Yes. Not screaming like maniac is usually the prefered course of action if your friend is having a seizure.” _

_ “Well excuse the fuck outta me for being six and terrified. Next question, first impressions of your friend? Honestly I didn’t have any thoughts outside of ‘holy shit another child. We have to be friends’.”  _

_ “Yeah.” Axelle says, “I didn’t really have time for a first impression. Our first conversation consisted of Ian saying hi. I said hi back. He asked if I wanted to be friends. I said yes. I promise y’all we knew each other for a second and a half before we were friends.” _

_ “Instant friendship.” Ian agrees. “Next describe each other in one word. Axelle, I would describe as talented. I think you guys have heard some of his original songs and they’re all so good, not to mention the stuff he’s composed for the piano so yeah he’s pretty talented.”  _

_ “Awwww,” Axelle coos, “I was going to say something mean but now I have to say something nice. Ian is brilliant. Like he reads all the time and he’ll look up things he reads just to learn more about them and not to mention that after high school Ian got accepted to three different ivy league schools.”  _

_ “And because I know people are going to ask the three were Cornell, Brown and Columbia. And for those of you who don’t know I didn’t end up going to college, I pursued a different path. Moving on, do you have anything matching?” They both raise their right arm and pull their sleeves back to reveal two black bands on each of their forearms. On Axelle they look right at home amongst the multiple other tattoos on his arm and on Ian they stand out as his only ink. _

_ “We got these when he was seventeen and I was sixteen,” Axelle says. “The tattoo guy knew we were underage and just gave no fucks. They were kind of an impulsive decision, I was really sick at the time. I was living in and out of the hospital, I was having tons of seizures and it was just a bad time so when he came on a break we just decided to do it because fuck it y’know. Let’s just say our mothers were not fans. My mom only found out about mine after I’d had a seizure and had to go back in the hospital so she was just angrier that she couldn’t even yell at me about it.” _

_ “My mom still glares at my tattoo whenever I’m wearing short sleeves. Which I’m not going to lie kind of makes me mad because I bought her a house. An expensive ass house, in upstate new york and yes I know it’s tacky to talk about how much things costs but it’s an expensive house so I’m going to talk about it. I buy her a house and she can’t forgive a tattoo. Petty.” Ian then moves on to the next question. “Favorite memory together? Well I think mine would have to be the tattoo story. It feels like that one dumb teenage adventure that everyone should have at least once and we got a permanent reminder of it so yeah I think the tattoos. What about you?” _

_ Axelle thinks for a moment. “Hmmmm, I think I’d have to go with the concert. Ian and I went to our first concert together. It was some local New York band that I was obsessed with at the time, mostly because the frontwoman is, to this day, one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen and that day cemented my love of music and my want to be a musician and being able to do that with my best friend was awesome.”  _

_ “That was fun. I’m not even a rock fan and I still had a good time. Next one, what is it like being friends with someone famous?” Ian lets out a little laugh once he’s read the question. _

_ “Ok so for those of you who don’t recognize him Ian plays hockey in the NHL. He plays for the LA Conquerors and he’s quite a big deal. He got rookie of the year a few years ago and last year he was nominated for some big award that I don’t remember the name of. All that to say Ian is hot shit, so what is it like being friends with him? It’s weird.”  _

_ “Weird. That’s it? It’s just weird?” Ian asks.  _

_ “It’s weird because I don’t follow hockey and I’ve known Ian since we were babies so it’s so easy for me to forget he’s famous and then we’ll be getting lunch in public and grown ass men will come up to him and be totally starstruck and it’s weird every single time.”  _

_ “I will say though,” Ian adds, “Axelle gets recognized in public way more than I do. More people stare at me but way more people approach Axelle. His fans are so intense and they’re always so excited. Axelle is way more famous than I am.”  _

_ “Yeah, Axelle agrees. “I’m the cool friend.”  _

_ “I wouldn’t go that far but ok. How often do we see each other? Ok so I live in LA obviously. Axelle lives here in New York. We don’t see each other that much during the season but I do try to spend a big part of my summer here because my parents and like sixty percent of my friends are here and Axelle has been out to LA a lot recently.”  _

_ “Yeah we see each other a lot more than we used to but it’s still mostly just texting and skyping.” _

_ “Moving on. Will we be friends forever?” Ian looks confused for a moment and rereads the question. “Will we be friends forever? What the hell kind of question is that?”  _

_ Axelle leans over and takes a look at the tablet. “Huh? Just something someone asked me recently that I was thinking about. I thought I took it off the list though.”  _

_ “Who asked you that?”  _

_ “Another friend of mine. We were talking about able bodied people and it came up. Not a big deal.”  _

_ “Of course we’re going to be friends forever. Right?”  _

_ “Who knows.” There is a five second pause where Axelle winces at the reaction he knows is coming and Ian registers what Axelle says.  _

_ “What do you mean who knows?” _

_ “I just mean we have no way of knowing what’s going to happen in the future but I can say that no matter what happens you will never mean less to me. You’ll still have been my best friend and that’ll always be important.” Axelle smiles thinking he’s diffused the situation but Ian still looks pissed. _

_ “So you think our friendship is going to end?” _

_ “Once again I did not say that. I’m just saying that I speak a lot on my channel about moving on and letting go and it makes what I’m saying false if I’m not prepared in my own life to move on and let go. Our friendship may one day end and that’s ok. It won’t be the end of the world. It’ll be ok.” Ian looks like Axelle just slapped him. _

_ “I can’t believe you think we won’t be friends forever. My feelings are so hurt. I’ll never love again.” _

_ “Look,” Axelle says, slightly losing his patience, “You’re a young talented athlete who is only going to get more famous and it would be naive of me to think I’m going to be your best friend.” _

_ “Oh my god,” Ian says, “You think I’m going to ditch you.” _

_ “That is not at all what I just said.” _

_ “You think I’m one of those people that makes it and forgets their friends and where they came from.”  _

_ “I don’t think that.” _

_ “Obviously you do.”  _

_ “Ok let’s look at this logically. You’re a hockey player. Hockey is your favorite thing in the world. You spend majority of your time with hockey players. It’s only natural that one of them will become your best friend. It doesn’t mean you ditched me or hate me. It just means they are better for you as your best friend than I am. Isn’t that Corey guy already one of your best friends? Eventually he’ll be your best friend over me. That’s ok.” _

_ “No no no. You’re my best friend. You’ll always be my best friend. No matter how famous I get or how many hockey player I meet you will always be my best friend. Forever. None of this letting go and moving on shit you’re so insistent on preaching. That’s fine for other people but not us. We’ve known each other since we were five. We have dumb matching tattoos. I call your mom auntie. You hang out with my mom even when I’m not in the city. We’re best friends forever. That’s it.”  _

_ “This got so weird so fast. Let’s move on.”  _

_ “I swear sometimes I wanna fight you but sure let’s move on. What annoys you most about your best friend? Well mine would be the way he says I’m going to ditch him because I play professional hockey even though I’ve literally been the most loyal friend anyone could ever ask for. I’ve been there for you through everything. I’ve threatened to beat up every boyfriend you’ve ever had.” _

_ “Which I constantly say is unnecessary. What annoys me most about Ian would be how he would never lets anything go. Ever.” Axelle becomes distracted when his dog comes up to him and crawls into his lap. Axelle scratches behind her ears and coos at her as she preens at the attention.  _

_ “Enjoy it now Captain.” Ian says to the dog, “Because in a few years he’s going to move on and let go of you. Like you never mattered. Like you haven’t been there for him since the first day you met. Like you’ve ever shown any signs of abandoning him in the eighteen plus years of knowing each other. He’ll just move on like your relationship never meant anything to him at all. Because life is about moving on and letting go apparently. So enjoy those ear scratches and belly rubs now because those days are soon over.” Ian glares at Axelle. Axelle glares right back.  _

_ “Ok guys I think that’s it for today. A new music video will be up on Saturday. If you liked this one give it a thumbs up and comment below. If you haven’t yet please subscribe and if you really like it share it with friends. Bye guys.”  _

Usually Axelle tries to keep up with comments but this video has nearly five times the number of views he usually gets and nearly as many comments so he answer a few of the most popular comments then he closes his computer and rolls across his bed to grab his guitar. He plays for about twenty minutes before Captain climbs onto his bed and starts pawing at his leg. He scratches behind her ear, initially thinking she just wanted attention but as her pawing gets more intense he realizes that she’s trying to alert him to a seizure coming on. He hops off of his bed grabs the blanket off the foot of his bed. He folds the blanket a few times and lays on the floor with his head cushioned on the blanket. Captain comes over and lays down across his torso and Axelle stares up at the ceiling until he begins seizing. Captain continues to lay on him as he violently jerks and spasms on his floor. She licks his face and nuzzles his neck to comfort him when the seizure starts to end and his jerks become less violent. Axelle lays on the floor as he comes out of his seizure, petting captain and murmuring encouragements at her. Once he feels coherent enough he instructs Captain to get his phone from the bed and he texts his parents to let them know he had a seizure and that he’s fine now. He crawls into his bed followed by Captain and burrows under his blanket to rest until the last bits of strain from his seizure fade. As he lays in bed his phone rings. 

“What do you want Ian?” Axelle asks as he answers the phone. 

“Someone's grumpy. You have a seizure?”

“About fifteen minutes ago.”

“Want me to get off the phone so you can rest?” Ian offers. 

“No go ahead.” 

“I just called to tell you I got the last few things today so your rooms all ready for when you get here.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna say this one last time but you know you don’t have to let me live with you just because I got a job offer out there. My parents could just as easily pay for me to get my own apartment.” As he says it though he looks around the room at where his things are packed up. He thinks about how tomorrow he’ll have to pack up his guitar, his keyboard, his recording equipment and prepare it to be shipped to Ian’s house. 

“Not going to lie I stopped listening when you said I don’t have to let you stay with me. When you say dumb things I kinda tune you out. So like I said you’re rooms ready and I’ll be there to pick you up from the airport when your plane gets in.”

“Don’t you have practice that day?”

“It’s fine. Because of the time difference it’ll be late when you get here.”

“Alright then I guess I’ll be there Friday night.”

“See you then. Give Captain a belly rub from me.”  

xXx

The day before his flight to Los Angeles Axelle decides to make the announcement to his followers about his move via snapchat. It’s the social media platform where he has the least amount of followers and whenever he announces something big there he feels as if he’s giving them a sneak peek to what everyone else is still yet to learn.

  
“A few of you guys have been speculating and I can now confirm your suspicions,” Axelle holds his phone away from his face and spins around the room giving a view of all the empty space and moving boxes. “I’m moving to LA. Some of you have wondered why I’ve been out to LA twice in the past three months and both visits were to interview for a job which I was offered and have accepted. I’m going to make a full video about all of this but you guys are the first to officially know. By the time the next video goes up I’ll be in LA.” 


	2. 50 Facts About Me

Ian and Corey have been playing hockey together since they were about thirteen. Corey’s parents had even fostered Ian so that he could live and play for Corey’s school in Wisconsin since it had one of the best hockey programs in the country. They played together all through high school and were both drafted to the Conquerors the same year. As far as Corey knew, they were best friends who told each other just about everything. Which was why he was now sporting quite the attitude.

 “I’m not mad.” Corey says, “I just hate you and never want to talk to you again. But I’m not mad.”

 “See, you say that,” Ian says with the patience of a saint, “but context clues in that sentence imply that you’re a tad upset.”

 “Why would I be mad? Just because you have some super secret best friend you never told me about? Just because you guys have matching tattoos and and inside jokes and shit? Why would I be mad about that? Just because I thought we were best friends and it turns out we’re not.”

 “You are my best friend... on the team.” Ian offers but Corey’s eyes shoot up and he looks downright offended.

 “Everyone knows your work best friend doesn’t mean shit compared to your real best friend. But, that’s totally fine because you’re dead to me.” Corey turns away from Ian to unstrap and restrap his leg pads in his pre-practice goalie ritual.

 “You’re acting like a literal child.” Ian informs Corey, finding the situation growing more and more comical by the second.

 “Tyler!” Corey yells across the locker room to one of the rookies who comes running, still so bright eyed and eager to please. “Please remind Ian that he is dead to me. And since I’m not some sort of Theresa Caputo Long Island medium, I can’t hear it.”

 Tyler’s eyes go wide and he looks over at Ian, completely unsure of what to do. “Um, Ian. Corey wanted me to tell you that -- ”

 “I am standing right here and clearly heard what he just said.”

 Tyler turns back to Corey. “Ian is ‘standing right here and clearly heard what you just said’.”

 Corey opens his mouth to say something but Hudson, the team captain, stomps over with egregious impatience and admonishes both Corey and Ian for involving the rookie in their squabble.

 “Ian started it.” Corey says gesturing in Ian’s direction.

 “ _Ian started it_.” Ian says mimicking Corey.

 Hudson sighs and sits down on the bench next to Corey and gestures for Ian to also take a seat. “Corey,” He starts, “Is it possible you’re feeling a little upset that Ian has another best friend that he didn’t tell you about?”

 Corey scoffs but when Hudson looks at him knowingly he says “I guess. Maybe.”

 “And Ian is it possible that maybe you’re being a tad insensitive to Corey’s feelings?”

 Ian shrugs. “Maybe. But it’s kind of weird he cares so much, and speaking of weird, you’re talking to us like you’re our father. What’s up with that?”

 Hudson nods. “I took a class on conflict resolution and I’m just really excited to use it. Now shut up and let me fix this. Corey are you more angry that Ian has another best friend or that he didn’t tell you?”

 “I’m not angry. It just would have been nice to know. I mean they’re so close they have matching tattoos but whatever.”

 “Corey, you’re super Jewish. You hardly drink. You call your rabbi once a week. You’re not getting a tattoo anyway.” Ian reminds him.

 “I’m not saying I want to get a matching tattoo. I’m just saying it’d be nice to know you have them with other people.” Corey added, folding his arms over his chest as he tightened his jaw in frustration, “And, by the way, screw you. My rabbi is hip as hell and would be totally cool with me getting a tattoo. I’m just not the ink type.”

 “Do you want to meet him? Is that what this is about? Because you can. It’s not a big deal.”

 “I mean, yeah. Whatever. It’d be cool.” Corey says utterly failing at nonchalance.

 “Wow.” Hudson says in amazement. “I am awesome. I just saved a friendship. I’m amazing. I mean not to exaggerate, but I’m a hero.”

 xXx

 The first thing Axelle does when he gets to LA is unpack his recording equipment so he can make a video. He sets up the camera in front of the red love seat that sits right under a large window in his room that will provide him with the perfect amount of natural light. With so many new subscribers to his channel after Ian’s guest appearance, he already knows the perfect video to make. Once the filming is done Axelle sits down to edit which takes nearly an hour and a half which is not as long as editing usually take so he’s happy about that. Once the video is done Axelle watches it one last time before exporting and uploading it.

  _“Hey, guys.”_ Axelle on screen says _, “Since the last video, I recently got a huge influx of new subscribers, so I figured this video would be a perfect way for those of you who are new to get to know me -- and maybe even some of my older subscribers will learn a thing or two. I’ve been making videos since I was fifteen so there’s no way I’ll be able to cover everything about me so feel free to ask questions in the comment section. I like to believe my fans who have been here for years are nice people who don't act like pretentious hipsters and will be happy to answer questions. And now that we’ve got that all out of the way we can get started.”_

 

_A counter appears in the upper right hand side of the video screen as Axelle starts to state his facts._

 

  1. _“My name is Axelle Hall.”_
  2. _“I am twenty-three years old.”_
  3. _“I am a musician. I play the guitar,” a picture of Axelle holding a guitar slides across the screen stopping at the edge of the left side, “the piano,” a picture of Axelle playing a baby grand piano slides across the screen to join the picture of Axelle with the guitar, “the drums, the bass and for some reason the ukulele.” Pictures of Axelle playing the drums, bass and ukulele slide across the screen filling out the rest of the frame making Axelle look like the coolest one man band ever. “I am also self taught on all of them.”_
  4. _“I love sushi and could eat it for every meal.”_
  5. _“My mother is African-American,” Axelle inserts a picture of his mom holding him as a baby, Axelle resembles her greatly. He has her deep brown skin and golden undertones, curly black hair and full lips. “And my biological father is Thai-American,” Axelle inserts a picture of his biological father holding him while also playing the guitar and we see that Axelle has his monolid eyes and strong, sharp cheekbones. “and my adopted father is Indian-American so I have a very rich cultural background.” Axelle inserts a picture of his adopted father holding him while he slept when he was six years old._
  6. _“I love being biracial. I wear my dark skin, curly hair, and monolid eyes with honor.”_
  7. _“I am an only child and I am not afraid to say I’m a little spoiled because of it.”_
  8. _“I am epileptic and suffer from episodic migraines.” Axelle holds up his wrist and zooms the camera in on the black leather band on his wrist that has a silver plate on it where the words ‘I AM EPILEPTIC’ are inscribed._
  9. _“My dog Captain is a service dog and she is trained in seizure alert and response.”_
  10. _Axelle calls Captain over to him and she comes readily hopping onto the other side of the love seat with Axelle. She’s not a particularly large dog but with with Axelle sitting and her standing she looms over him. She’s mostly dark brown with large portions of black fur across her back tail. “She’s a german shepherd and I got her when I was eighteen.” Axelle scratches behind her ears and she lies down across his lap where she remains for the rest of the video._
  11. _“I started this channel as a safe place for people with disabilities and chronic illnesses to share their thoughts and experiences.”_
  12. _“I was relentlessly bullied in high school for my disability and it really changed the way I interact with able-bodied people. For example, if I can avoid it I will try my best not to hang out with large, close knit groups of able-bodied people. Never ends well.” Axelle gives a shudder in remembrance then moves on._
  13. _“Most of the significant relationships in my life are with other disabled or chronically ill people and I love that.”_
  14. _“I have friends that call me and ask me to sing them to sleep and I love doing it.”_
  15. _“I lost count of how many tattoos I have but I know it’s more than thirty but less than fifty.” Axelle shrugs off the blazer he’s wearing to show off both his arms which are both covered in tattoos. He tugs at the collar of his shirt pulling it down so the viewers can also see a peek of the large and intricate piece on his chest. “I promise I’ll do a full tattoo video soon but I know I want more so I’m going to wait until I go and get the few that are still left on my list.”_
  16. _“I am very close to my parents. I tell them just about everything so chances are if you’ve wronged me they know about it and they don’t like you.”_
  17. _“Star Trek is my all time favorite show and I feel as if I can safely say I’ve seen every episode of every iteration of Star Trek.”_
  18. _“I have a chart that sorts all of my friends into what job they would have on a starship. I take it very seriously.”_
  19. _“I have the Star Trek command insignia tattooed on my arm. The tattoo is both in reference to the show and to my dog so it has a double meaning. Also Captain’s full name is Captain Kathryn Janeway who in my opinion is the best starfleet captain to date.”_
  20. _“I cry very easily. I am a very emotional person.”_
  21. _“I don’t like public speaking but I can sing in front of a crowd with no problem.”_
  22. _“When I was sixteen I had a seizure while in bed and nearly suffocated in my pillow and so for the next year and a half I slept in my parents bed.”_
  23. _“I still cannot sleep alone. I’m nearly one hundred percent sure that’s why my parents got me my dog so she can sleep in bed with me and turn me onto my back in case I have a seizure in bed.”_
  24. _“My dog also goes into the shower with me every morning and I’m reasonably sure it’s her favorite part of the day.”_
  25. _“I love and crave a lot of affection so if we’re friends hugging, kissing and cuddling is all on the table.”_
  26. _“That may be the reason I’ve dated more than a few of my friends.”_
  27. _“I had sex for the first time when I was fifteen years old.”_
  28. _“At the time it didn’t seem like a big deal but now I just think that’s so young to be having sex. I actually have a whole video about my first time having sex which I will link in the description box. The girl I had sex with is even in the video and I know some people think it’s a little weird to so openly talk about sex but I think disabled people should talk about sex more. We have a reputation as sexless children even if we’re adults and that is just not true. Do you ever wonder what tenagers do in hospitals overnight when the nurses aren’t looking? We can get pretty dirty.”_
  29. _“I am bisexual and one-hundred percent proud of it.”_
  30. _“I have never dated someone who was able-bodied or didn’t have some type of chronic illness.”_
  31. _“And I don’t really think I could.” Axelle then gives an apologetic shrug._
  32. _“My last boyfriend was a deaf guy named Ethan.”_
  33. _“I have an on again off again relationship with a girl with cystic fibrosis named Emily. She’s also one of my closest friends and she is also who I shared my first time with. I would say ‘it’s complicated’ but it’s not.”_
  34. _“To name a few others I have dated a guy who uses a wheelchair named Darren, a girl with sickle cell named Letoya, and a girl with type-1 diabetes named Madison.”_
  35. _“I am still very good friends with just about everyone I’ve ever dated so Hi Ethan, Emily, Darren, Letoya, and Madison if you guys are watching this.”_
  36. _“I am fluent in sign language.” To prove this Axelle signs ‘Hi my name is Axelle. It’s very nice to meet you.’_
  37. _“I am not into any sports. They all kind of confuse me.”_
  38. _“Elephants are my favorite animal.”_
  39. _“I have a stuffed elephant named Jeffrey I got from my mom that used to stay with me in the hospital whenever she couldn’t and I’m very attached to it.”_
  40. _“My dad is a neurosurgeon and my mom is a freelance writer.”_
  41. _“My parents met when I was five and my doctors wanted to see if I was a candidate for a type of brain surgery that would have cured my epilepsy that my dad would have been performing.”_
  42. _“I did not qualify for the surgery obviously but my parents got married a year later with my dad’s adoption of me finalized just three months later so it all worked out.”_
  43. _“I have a very dapper style of dress. I love bowties and scarves and blazers and I have no clue where that comes from. As the saying goes when in doubt, overdress.”_
  44. _“My best friend is a professional hockey player and yet I don’t think I’ve seen a full NHL game. The puck is just so small, how do they expect us to see it?”_
  45. _“The worst part about having epilepsy is the no caffeine rule because I love mocha lattes.”_
  46. _“I try not to judge people for their music taste but if you tell me Coldplay is your favorite band or Adele is your favorite soul singer I will never trust your judgement.”_
  47. _“I have a lot of anxiety but I’m working on it.”_
  48. _“I have a very self-deprecating sense of humor but it is just humor so don’t worry my self esteem is fine.”_
  49. _“I love being a role model for other disabled people.”_
  50. _“I think the disabled community is capable of so much more than we’re given credit for and I’m proud to be disabled.”_



  _Axelle takes a deep breath and slumps down on the loveseat. “And there you have it guys. I hope you guys enjoyed it and so now that I've told you about me leave me some comments with some fun or interesting facts about you guys. There’ll be a new video up this Saturday and I promise it’ll be a music video. I know I’ve been slacking on those lately so I am taking request if there’s anything you want to hear me sing just let me know down below. Bye guys.”_

 xXx

 When Ian and Corey get to the apartment there are blue sticky notes attached to various things around the apartment such as the tv and the coffee table. There’s music coming from Axelle’s room where it looked like he’d been unpacking but now was laid across his bed with Captain next to him chewing a rope toy.

 “So, how’s the unpacking going?” Ian asks.

 Axelle sits up and gestures around the room, “Okay, so I was unpacking and I was in a groove and it was awesome and I was like ‘wow I’ve been unpacking for so long I have to be nearly done’ but I looked around and I wasn’t even close to being halfway finished, so I gave up. I’ve been lying here, defeated, for an hour.”

 “For some reason that doesn’t surprise me. Also, this is Corey. He’s been annoying me all day because he wants to be my best friend.”

 Axelle laughs but shakes Corey’s hand. “Hey it’s nice to meet you although I have no clue why you want that. Ian’s a giant asshole who never answers the phone when you actually need him.”

 Ian scoffs. “I answer the phone. Just not at three am when you’re only calling me to answer your trivia crack sports questions.”

 “That’s literally all you’re good for, also that game asks impossible sports questions that no real person could possibly know.”

 “Literally _everyone_ knows what team Joe Montana played for.”

 “I don’t even know who Joe Montana is.” Axelle admits.

 “Don’t say that out loud where people can hear, because that just reflects badly on me.”

 Axelle turns to Corey. “And you want _him_ to be your best friend?”

 Corey laughs. “I don’t actually care or anything, I just don’t like Ian keeping secrets. I thought we told each other everything.”

 Ian rolls his eyes and Axelle says “Ian is the master of keeping secrets. He doesn’t tell anyone anything because he’s an asshole. The only way to truly be his friend is to be terribly invasive and go through his things when he’s not around. Also if it makes you feel any better I’m really mean to Ian. Like all the time.”

 Corey smiles. “That does make me feel a whole lot better.”

 “You both suck. Also, Axelle what’s with the post it notes all over everything?”

 “Oh, those are things that need to be changed.”

 “What’s wrong with my table?”

 “It’s a glass top. If I have a seizure I could fall through it and die and then you’d have to explain to my mom how you let a table kill me.”

 Ian nods. “Fair point. Wait what’s wrong with my tv? If the choice is between you and the tv, I’ll choose the tv.”

 “Wow,” Axelle says, “Nice to know where I rank. You don’t have to get rid of the tv you just have to mount it to the wall. And that’s actually more for Captain than it is for me.” Axelle’s phone rings from it’s place on the bed. He goes over and answers it and then grabs his wallet from its place on his dresser. “My pizza's here. Corey did you want to stay?”

 Corey looks surprised but quickly masks it. “Sure I’ll stay.”

 Once they’re all in Ian’s living room eating pizza Corey asks, “So Ian said you got a job out here?” He does so casually as if hadn’t stalked Axelle’s social media to learn everything he could about him to see why Ian had chosen him as his best friend and not Corey.

 “Yeah. I’m going to be doing the media management for a record shop out here. Social media, organizing and attending events on behalf of the store, designing posters and all that stuff. It’s perfect for me so on days I can’t make it to the store I can do most of my work from home.” Axelle explains the duties of his job with such glee that Corey is genuinely happy for him.

 “Oh that’s cool. Because you have the…” Corey waves his hand in a ‘you know’ motion.

 “Epilepsy,” Ian fills in. “You can say it, it’s not a bad word.”

 “Yeah.” Axelle says. “It’s basically my dream job. Well besides Youtube.”

 “Are you still going to make videos?” Corey asks.

 “Yep. Every Wednesday and Saturday. I’m going to try and keep my schedule the same. I’m already changing so much stuff in my life I wanna keep some things standard. Also my followers are mad enough I’m leaving New York and all my friends there. If I also change my uploading schedule I’m pretty sure they’ll riot.”

 “How many people watch your videos?” Corey asks.

 “I have just over eight hundred thousand subscribers. It still feels so surreal to say that. When I started out I thought best case scenario would be hitting a hundred subscribers. I never thought thousands of people would watch my videos.”

 “Me neither,” Ian adds, “Mostly because you’re boring and not talented at all.”

 Axelle turns and smiles at Ian and the turns back to Corey. “My best friend. Of nearly twenty years. Magical isn’t it?”

 xXx

 After they eat and Axelle reluctantly goes back to unpacking Ian offers to drive Corey home. Corey spent his first two years in the league living with one of the older guys on the team but had since gotten his own place. Seeing as he hated being alone though he spent rarely any time there.

 “Thanks for the ride. I just want you to know though, just because I think Axelle is really cool doesn’t mean I don’t still hate you.”

 Ian laughs as he puts the car in park. “Yeah, I figured that out while you were ignoring me the entire drive here.”

 “I still don’t get why you didn’t tell me but I’ve come to the realization that it has nothing to do with me. You’re just a shitty person who likes secrets but that’s okay. I mean I spent nearly a month with you in New York the summer of our junior year and you still never mentioned this guy. He never even came around, which I don’t get since you guys are oh so close but hey whatever.”

 Ian sighs and unbuckles his seatbelt and turns to face Corey. “The summer of our junior year Axelle was sick. Really sick. Like practically lived in the hospital, having multiple seizures a day kind of sick. Remember the last game of World Juniors?” Corey nods and Ian continues. “Remember how I left immediately afterwards? I went home to see him because things were kind of touch and go. It was a hard time for me obviously and when things get hard, I self destruct. I was drinking like I had a personal vendetta against my liver and partying harder than I did when I won the fucking cup.” Ian lets out a humorless chuckle and sits back in his seat to look straight ahead. “It was not a good time for me, so my mom called your mom and asked if you could come visit. I think it was her way of trying to remind me that I had other friends in hopes that I wouldn’t completely fall apart if he died.  I was still going to see him everyday though. Those mornings I would go running and didn’t come back until noon or those nights I was out until like one were because I was at the hospital with him. It wasn’t really a secret or anything, it’s just when you have a sick friend you don’t like talking about it. It can be kind of a sore subject.”

 Corey leaned over the seat and grabbed Ian into a tight hug.

 “Corey, you know how I feel about hugging.” Ian reminds him.

 “I know but that is the saddest thing I have ever heard.” Corey lets him go and leans back in his seat. “Is he ok now?”

 “Oh yeah,” Ian assures him, “Trust me, he’s fine. He’s not the one with a job where three hundred pound Russian bears try to murder him. He’ll outlive the two of us.”

 xXx

When Ian gets home the door to Axelle’s room is closed and there’s no music coming from the room which means Axelle is either asleep or on his way. It’s still early though so Ian sits down on his couch, pulls out his phone and begins looking for a new coffee table. 


	3. Brooklyn Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waarning: This chapter has black athletes candidly discussing racism and anti-blackness in professional sports. If that bothers you then let me tell you this is not the story for you. Also this is unbetaed so all mistakes are my own and feel free to point them out, though do keep in mind characters do talk with imperfect grammar as real people do.

Axelle knows better than to respond to trolls on social media. As a biracial, bisexual, disabled guy who makes his living by putting his life on the internet he’s seen the absolute worst the internet has to offer and usually it rolls off of him like water. It turns out that people insulting Ian riles him up more quickly than any insult directed towards him ever has. There’s one tweet in particular that he can’t help but reply to.

@playboypuckbunny: It doesn’t surprise me that @IanHardison42 is gay. Invited him back to mine and he said no. Only a fag would pass this up.

Axelle knows being gay isn’t an insult but he’s also aware of the reality of Ian’s job. Being perceived as anything other than straight is basically career suicide. He also doesn’t like people spreading the idea that straight guys can’t be friends with gay or bisexual guys without being gay themselves. Axelle can’t help but respond to the girl.

@AxelleHall: @playboypuckbunny Let’s look at you versus Ian’s past girlfriends and we’ll see if we can deduce why he turned you down.

In the tweet he includes a picture of playboypuckbunny. He picks the best one he can find on her page to help make his point. She’s cute, slim and blonde with perky breast. He then includes a three pictures of Ian with previous girlfriends. In the first is Ian in his prom picture with his date who was a gorgeous girl with brown skin and long dark hair. In the second is Ian with another ex girlfriend, this one even darker than the first and her hair hanging in long braids down her back. In the third picture is Ian with his current girlfriend, a darkskin beauty with an afro that sits upon her head like a crown.

xXx

“Okay let me throw a scenario at you,” Ian’s fifth least favorite teammate, Noah, says over team breakfast.

“I am all ears.” Ian says, knowing with full confidence he is about to hear the stupidest thing a human being has ever said to another human being.

“So you’re at home taking a shower. Suddenly you realize you forgot to grab a towel before you got in the shower.”

“Would not be a problem. I keep all my towels in one of those bathroom tower cabinets.”

“Ok but in this scenario the towels aren’t there.” Noah clarifies.

“So where are the towels?” Ian asks.

“In your room.” Noah says.

“Why? If you’re coming from the laundry room you have to walk past the bathroom to get to my room. That makes no sense.”

“Because fuck you that’s just where they are. Can I continue on with my story?”

“I thought it was a scenario, not a story.”

“Shut up. Stop trying to ruin this. So you have to walk out of the bathroom completely naked and wet. As you’re walking out you bump into your friend. What happens next?” Noah leans back in his seat as if he’s made his point and Ian can see him mentally drop the mic.

“Nothing. This might shock you but you don’t die if a dude who likes dudes sees you naked.”

“So you’d just be cool with a gay guy seeing you naked?” Noah asks, absolutely confused.

“Dude. It’s been nearly twenty years. That ship has sailed.”

xXx

Axelle works for a shop called A Little Record Store that not only sells vinyls, cds, and band merchandise but also host music events. Axelle had corresponded with the Store’s owner, Winter Wright, for months before going to LA for an official job interview where she offered him the role of the store’s artistic consultant. She has an amazing staff working for her, she’d told Axelle, but none of them were true music lovers who could truly build an image for the store. Not like what Axelle had done with himself and his channel.

“This is so surreal.” Axelle says as Winter shows him his office on his first day. Winter is leaning on her cane with her service dog Valentine, a large black lab, by her side. “Like I want to pretend I’m a grown up but I also wanna text my mom and tell her I have my own office.”

Winter laughs. “I know the feeling.” She lowers herself into one of the chairs in front of Axelle’s desk, rubbing at her right leg. “After I bought this place I spent months telling anyone who would listen that I owned my own business. It was kind of embarrassing.”

“You want embarrasing? Ask my mom what I was like when I hit a thousand subscribers.”

Winter laughs and motions for Valentine to lie under her chair. Axelle takes a seat at the desk gesturing for Captain to lie on the foam mat beside the desk Winter had provided for her.

“So where should I start boss lady? I am at your service.”

“Well first things first is the website. It’s so boring and bland, it has no personality. I have some colors picked out, they’re in the brand book I gave you but other than that go crazy. I want the website to be fun.”

“I actually had some ideas about that,” Axelle tells her. He reaches for his bag and grabs a small notebook where he’d jotted down some thoughts. “I wanted to make a staff page. Take a picture of everyone who works in the store and put up a little information about them. It’ll make the store feel more personable, which is what people want from small music stores.”

“I love that idea.” Winter tells him. “Most of the regulars wind up knowing the staff by name anyway so that’s perfect. I did want to say though, I wanna leave you enough time to keep up with your channel. I know you’re probably tired of hearing me saying it but I just think what you do on youtube is so important.”

Axelle ducks his head in embarrassment, “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing that.”

“Your videos really helped me come to terms with being disabled. Helped me stop feeling so ashamed of needing a service dog for my PTSD.” Winter runs a hand through her bleached white hair bringing attention to the scars on her face, another reminder of the car accident that had also taken her ability to walk unassisted. “If I’m ever loading you down with work please tell me because I really want you to keep on making videos. I want you to keep being able to help people.”

“I’m always going to keep making videos. As much as making these videos help other people, they also help me. High school was really hard and I didn’t think I could talk about it with the people around me and having my channel as an open place to talk about it really got me through some hard times. Hearing that I’m helping other people just reminds me how important it is for people with disabilities to talk about our lives and just makes me want to do it more. I’ll always find the time for it.”

xXx

The Conquerors lose their game that night despite Ian getting both a goal and an assist which he is pleased about but doesn’t do much to soothe the sting of the loss.

The press aren’t shy either, Ian is barely out of his purple and gold jersey before reporters are asking if he feels the loss is his fault.

“As a player, of course you can’t help but feel like you could have done more out there, especially when you’re wearing an A, but a team isn’t just one person so no one person can win a game nor can one person lose a game.”

“Well,” says a voice Ian recognizes all too well. Glen Duncan is one of the reporters who seems to find a fault with everything Ian does. Ian knows Glen’s dislike of him is deeper than a critique of his hockey playing. “If we look back at game seven three years ago, you scored every goal except one that night that won the Conquerors the cup, and just last year you brought that same intensity and helped secure another cup win. I guess we’re all just wondering where that intensity went. Some are wondering if you’re satisfied with two cups and no longer feel the need to go the extra mile?” This guy has always been one of Ian’s least favorite reporters. Ian is tempted to remind him that he is the same guy who criticized Ian after making those very shots, calling his a selfish player who craved attention.

Ian sighs and reaches up to undo the ponytail holder that was holding his dreadlocs in a tight bun, securely away from his face. He runs a hand through his hair, shaking the locs apart and letting them drape over his shoulders.

“I always give everything I have when I’m out on the ice. Yes I made those shots in game seven but having my team behind me is what allowed me to make those shots. We’re never resting on our laurels, we’re going to take tonights loss and and come back from it because that’s what we do. We learn from our losses and that’s what got us those cups.”

xXx

Ian rejects his teammate’s offers to go out for drinks and instead gets dressed and heads to an upscale steakhouse in Downtown LA.

The hostess smiles and greets him and he tells her that he has a reservation and gives his name.

“The other members of your party are at the bar and if you follow me I can lead you all to your table.” Ian follows her and he smiles for the first time after tonight’s game when he sees his brothers waiting for him at the bar. As happy as he is to see them his first instinct is to scold them for wearing Conquerors jerseys even though it’s his number, forty-two, stitched on the back.

“Did I not tell the three of you that this was a nice place. What made you think it was ok to wear jerseys?”

“Well,” says Ian’s big brother Angel, “We figured after that ass whooping your team took tonight it’d be nice to know you still had fans.” Ian glares at him and frowns. Angel laughs and goes “I’m just kidding. We bought them before the game and they were expensive so we’re not taking them off until we’re good and ready.”

“Yeah,” Quinn, Ian’s baby brother agrees, “I’m not gone lie I almost didn’t buy it. Shit was mad expensive.”

Ian laughs as they all take their seats. “I know you aren’t complaining. Your jersey cost so much shit was in the triple digits.”

“The jersey isn’t that expensive.” Quinn tells him with a smirk, “It’s the international shipping that’ll get you.”

“So I have to ask,” Neiko, Ian’s little brother says, “That reporter dude? Did you fuck his girlfriend or something. Dude was big mad.”

“You would think so.” Ian agrees, “I swear any time I do anything he acts like I walked into his house and called his mother a bitch.”

“I was watching on my phone heated. I was deadass about to walk into that locker room and give dude the business. Because see what you not gone do is act like my brother is the only one on this team.” Angel says.

“Right!” Ian exclaims, relief floods him knowing his feelings weren’t irrational. “I don’t care what anyone says I know that shit is because I’m black.”

“Hell yeah it’s because you’re black.” Quinn tells him. “That shit was obvious. I was sitting there like dude just say you hate black people and go.”

“Honestly you have no one to blame but yourself. Black dudes came for the NBA and white dudes let us have it. We came for the NFL, they didn’t fight back. Latino dudes took baseball and they were quiet but they’ll damned if they let you have hockey too. Enough is enough. You blacks can’t have everything.”

All four of them burst out laughing, more at the idiocy of people who truly thought things like that than at the actual humor of the statement.

“You’re one to talk. Black people weren’t even thinking about gymnastics and suddenly here you come out of nowhere winning gold medals and shit.” Angel says to Neiko with a smile.

“Excuse you?” Neiko says with faux shock, “Asian people practically dominate the gymnastics game but don’t worry. They hate black people just as much as white people do.”

“Yeah?” Quinn challenges, “Call me when some Spanish prick throws a banana at you right before you take your penalty kick. I was so mad I just went ‘fuck the goal’ and aimed for the goalie’s face.”

Their laughs taper off as the waitress comes over to take their orders. They make it easy on her, they all order the house special, a porterhouse steak cooked medium rare in the restaurant’s signature sauce. Before she walks away Ian hands her his phone and asks her to take a picture of the four of them and she obliges happily.

Later that night Ian looks at the photo is is overcome with a rush of nostalgia. He decides to do something he usually wouldn’t and post the picture to instagram. He post the picture alongside a childhood picture of the four of them with the caption ‘My brothers came to visit and they got me feeling all sentimental. Looking at where we started and where we are now absolutely astounds me. Between the four of us we have two stanley cup wins, a heavyweight championship win, a fifa world cup win and seven olympic gold medals. Not too bad for four black boys from Brooklyn.’

The post absolutely explodes in ways even Ian couldn’t have imagined and by the next morning Ian is thankful to go to practice to get away from it all for a few hours.

Unfortunately the tv is on in the locker room and it seems that all anyone wants to talk about is ‘The Brooklyn Four’.

“Am I the only one wondering why this is such a big deal?” One of the white ESPN commentators wonders. “Are they the first athletes ever to be friends? What’s the story here?”

“The story is,” One of the black commentators says, “is that these are four black athletes competing in spaces that have historically been closed to black people. Not only are they competing in these spaces but they are dominating them. Ian Hardison carried his team to not one but two stanley cup wins, you can argue all you like but he is undeniably one of the best hockey players in the league right now. Neiko Rose is the face of American male gymnastics. He crushed the last olympic cycle, nabbing not only the all around medal but also helping team usa get the team gold, medaling on near every event and that’s not even mentioning that he’s the favorite to win worlds this year. I haven’t even mentioned Quinn Grey who is one of the most exciting soccer players to watch at the moment nor Angel Johnson who in three years went from being an unknown boxer to being the world light heavyweight champion. These young men are redefining what it means to be a black athlete in a white space and frankly if you don’t get it, it’s probably because you’re white.”

Ian makes a mental note to have his agent send the commentator a very expensive bottle of champagne and then thinks of how he’s going to build a time machine to go back twelve hours and punch himself in the face.

“How many?” Ian is snapped out of his plans by Corey standing in front of him, arms crossed and face tight.

“What?” Ian asks confused.

“How many more secret friends do you have?” Corey asks with all the rage and disappointment of a wife discovering her husband’s many affairs.

“Ok technically Angel, Neiko and Quinn aren’t my friends. They’re my brothers. Totally different thing.”

“I’ve met your parents Ian.” Corey reminds him. “Either they are not shy about playing favorites or...”

“We’re not brothers because we share blood, we’re brothers because we chose to be. So no they couldn’t give me a kidney or something if I needed one but they’d want to.”

“I’d give you a kidney if I could.” Corey says and just for a second Ian feels like a jerk.

“I’d give you a kidney too but let’s be honest. There are some very obvious differences between you and them.”

Corey scoffs and rolls his eyes. “How many times do I have to apologize for not being black?”

Ian’s eyes go wide and he shakes his head. “I have never once asked you to do that. And that’s not what this is about. I’ve just known them longer. That’s it. I’m sorry we didn’t meet when I was six but blame it on the universe. Not me.”

Before corey can respond a high pitched voice calls Ian’s name and without turning around Ian knows Josie from PR is standing behind him.

“This isn’t over.” Corey says to him before walking away.

Ian turns around to face down the five foot three menace that is Josie.

“Can I speak to you in private?” She asks in a clipped tone that Ian has only heard directed at players who have gotten drunk in public or ‘allegedly’ hit their girlfriends.

She takes him to her office where she instructs him to have a seat in one of the chairs in front of her desk.

“Do you know why I like you Ian?” She asks. Ian knows it’s a rhetorical question so he stays quiet. “You don’t do anything. You don’t party. You don’t sleep with every girl who looks at you. You are incredibly boring and that makes you a public relations wet dream.”

“Thank you?” Ian asks, not sure if he’s being praised or insulted.

“Well you were until about three weeks ago. First there was the youtuber best friend.”

“Hey!” Ian interrupts, “I texted you and asked if it was ok if I was in one of his videos.”

“Oh yes. How could I forget your text of ‘please say yes because we already filmed it’. Now this ‘Brooklyn Four’ thing.” She says complete with air quotes. “Do you know how many calls I’ve gotten today requesting interviews and endorsement meetings. Kind of hard when you don’t manage three of the four athletes involved.”

“Yeah I can see how that might be a bit difficult.”

“More than a bit difficult. I’m just going to say this and then I’ll drop it. Call your friends,”

“Brothers.” Ian corrects.

“Call your brothers and get on the same page about whatever you all want to do here. The four of you need to be a united front right now. You understand.”

“Yes ma’am. I understand.”

“Good. Now go to practice.”  


	4. Introductons and Interivews

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My health has been up and down but I'm not abandoning this story. Also this chapter will serve as a proper introduction to the characters who will fill out the rest of the series.

It’s not that Ian has been avoiding his brothers...necessarily. He’s just been busy every time they’ve tried to call him and he’s accidentally ignored more than a few text messages. It’s not that he’s scared of his brothers, it’s just that they’ll yell at him and he doesn’t want to be yelled at. So when he walks into the arena and sees a camera crew setting up for an interview along with four chairs, his stomach drops. When he sees Josie he only says one word. 

 

“No.” 

 

She doesn’t even look up from her phone. “Too late they’re already on their way.”

 

“No. Send those trolls back under their bridge. Planes have phones. Tell them to turn around take they asses back to Brooklyn.” 

 

Josie sighs and looks up at Ian. “You know I thought you’d be excited to see your brothers. You guys see each other so little.” 

 

“Don’t get me wrong I love my brothers but that doesn't mean I like seeing them or talking to them. Also I can guarantee you’ll regret making us do an interview together. We’re only well spoken, mild mannered and articulate when we’re alone. Put us together we lose all sense of home training.”

 

Josie sighs and rubs at her eyes. “Ian get out of my face and go to practice. And wear a non contact jersey. We don’t want any bruises on that face during the interview.” 

 

xXx

 

Ian, Angel, and Neiko met in the third grade. They were damn near inseparable from the first day they met despite the fact they came from very different backgrounds; Ian coming from a two parent home, Neiko being raised by his grandmother and Angel growing up in foster care. By time they met Neiko was already going to gymnastics class three times a week and Ian had given up baseball and football to focus on hockey. 

 

They didn’t meet Quinn until their next day of school. Quinn had originally been a year ahead of them in school but was held back to repeat his fifth grade year due to his trouble reading. Quinn, who was shy and quiet, envied their close friendship but didn’t dare approach them. Fate however had other plans for Quinn, who despite being a year older was the smallest of all the boys in their class. That along with being held back a year made him an prime target for bullies. Angel, who’d always had little patience for things like that put a stop to it.

 

“Touch him again and I will crack your fucking skull open on this pavement.” With his knee pressing into the back of the lead instagator, and with Ian and Neiko blocking his friends from interfering it was clear Angel was not joking. 

After all was said and done it was Ian who walked over and held his hand out to Quinn. 

 

“They won’t touch you again. You belong to us now.” 

 

That day on a playground in Brooklyn three brothers became four.

 

xXx

 

“Ian come off the ice.” Angel said. 

 

“Naw, I’m good homie.” Practice had ended ten minutes ago but the minute Ian saw Neiko and Angel he knew nothing good would come from leaving the ice. 

 

“You have to come off the ice eventually.” Neiko told him. 

 

“No I don’t. The longer I stay on this ice the more dedicated I look to my game. Plus if I come off this ice you’ll hit me.” 

 

“No I won’t.” Angel said with mock offence. 

 

“I wasn’t talking about you.” Ian pointedly looked at all five feet seven inches of Neiko.

 

“He’s not going to hit you either.” Angel promised. 

 

“Yes I will.” Neiko said. “I should be at practice right now. You know where I’m not?” 

 

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say at practice.” Angel guessed. 

 

“You’re damn right I’m not at practice. You know who is at practice? The Chinese Men’s National gymnastics team. You know where I am? Doing interviews because twitter fingers over here couldn’t let us keep a good thing going.” 

 

“He’s right you know.” Angel chimed in. “The best part about being a champion fighter is that unless I was in the ring no one recognized me. Thanks to you I got recognized in the grocery store. I was wearing sweatpants and the shirt that I’d slept in. That picture is out there now. Thanks to you. Hope you’re proud of yourself.”

 

“Where is Quinn? He wouldn’t let y’all treat me like this.” Ian asked. 

“Come off the ice and I’ll tell you.” Neiko said. 

 

“He’s on his way. His flight landed just a while ago.” Angel told him. 

 

“Seriously though you have to come off the ice.” Neiko says. “We need to go get dressed for this interview and I’m not going into that locker room without you. I don’t need your white friends trying to talk to me.” 

 

“Fine.” Ian says, finally stepping off the ice. “Let’s get this over with.” 

 

xXx

 

Most of Ian’s teammates are in the shower or fresh out when Ian leads his brothers into the locker room. Their stylist had their outfits ready for them, tucked away in a corner of the locker room. White shirts, black pants and different colored suit jackets for each of them; purple for Ian, blue for Neiko, red for Quinn and green for Angel. 

 

“Hey Ian aren’t you missing one?” Hudson asks. 

 

“Yeah he’s on his way. It’s a long way from Barcelona.” Ian gestures to Angel standing at his right, “This is Angel.” He gestures to Neiko on his right, “And this is Neiko.” He then gestures to everyone else in the room. “These are my teammates. I’m not doing individual introductions. Introduce yourselves on your own time.” 

 

Ian makes quick work of stripping off his gear, grabbing his towel and heading for the shower. Neiko and Angel claim two empty stalls next to each other and toss their bags in. Not before Angel fishes out a college level physics textbook and his tablet. 

 

“Homework?” Neiko asks. 

 

“Got a quiz due at midnight that I need to finish. I swear this class makes me want to drop out and go back to trapping.” 

 

Their conversation is interrupted by Ian’s teammate Noah coming over to them and sizing them up. “So you’re the fighter,” he says gesturing to Angel who gives a slight nod, he then turns to Neiko and goes “And you’re what? The cheerleader?” 

 

“Gymnast.” Neiko corrects. The chirping doesn’t phase Neiko.

 

“Isn’t that like the same thing? I mean aren’t gymnast just glorified cheerleaders? What do you guys even do?” 

 

“What do I do? Mostly I win gold medals. What do you do besides sit around and collect a paycheck while a black man carries your team on his back?” 

 

Angel chokes on a laugh, stands and puts a hand on Noah’s shoulder. “Word of advice to you champ. Neiko ain’t the one you wanna play this game with.” 

 

“Naw naw, let him go. We can take this back to Brooklyn real fast.” Neiko says dropping everything from his hands. 

 

‘Walk away.’ Angel mouths to Noah who takes the hint and walks. “Don’t make trouble for Ian. He has to play with these guys.”

 

“I didn’t start it.” Neiko defends. He motions for Angel to turn around and when he does he sees Quinn walk into the room. Quinn immediately grabs the attention in any room he walks in. Being six foot eight inches tall and having the muscle to match, he’s a force in any room he steps into. His long curly hair that he usually lets hang down his back is tucked up in a messy bun, and he look horribly jetlagged. 

 

Quinn spots his brothers and makes his way over to them. He greets the both with a kiss to the top of their heads. 

 

“Did paparazzi follow you all here too?” He asks. 

 

“From the minute I left Manhattan.” Neiko tells him. 

 

“Quinn!” Ian says excitedly as he comes out of the shower. “You’re here.” 

 

“I am.” Quinn responds. “My PR team thought it would be good press for the American fans. Did not enjoy that twelve hour ride from Barcelona though.” 

 

“Since you’re here now tell Angel and Neiko to stop being mean to me.” Ian tells Quinn. 

 

“Stop being mean. No point in it. We’re all at the height of our careers. Someone was bound to figure it out eventually. Better this than a paparazzi candid.  At least we have some control of the narrative.” Quinn explains as they all dress in their interview clothes. 

 

As they dress though Quinn makes an executive decision about the music. He decides the country music playing just isn’t going to fly with him in this locker room. 

 

“I did not fly all this way to listen to a white guy sing about fucking a tractor or whatever.” Quinn explains as he unplugs the IPod connected to the speaker in the locker room. Before anyone can make too big a fuss Ian takes over on muisc duty and soon Jay-z’s ‘Brooklyn Go Hard’ is filling the locker room. 

 

“Brooklyn Four,” Neiko muses. “Has a ring to it.” Neiko’s musings is cut short by his cell phone ringing. It’s his coach and he has to take a deep breath before he answers it. 

 

“Yes.” He answers and pauses. “No I will not be coming into practice today.” Pause. “Because I’m out of the state.” Pause. “Yeah a heads up would have been nice. The same way you gave me a heads up that you were coaching Ming.” Pause. “Yeah, I assume we will talk about it when I get home.” Neiko hangs up and lets out a groan of frustration. 

 

xXx

 

Before they leave the locker room for their interview Ian grabs Corey to introduce to his brothers. 

 

“This is Corey. We’ve played together for years. He’s one of my best friends.” Corey keeps the grin he wants to sport off his face as he shakes their hands. 

 

“So you’re the white boy Ian’s always talking about.” Neiko says. 

 

“I guess so.” Corey responds. 

 

“No he’s off white. You’re Jewish right?” Angel says. Corey nods. “Jewish is like off white. Kinda white but not really.” 

 

“Does it actually work that way?” Neiko asks. 

 

“Yeah it’s like that in Spain. They’re white but they’re Spanish but they’re still white.” 

 

“What are you smiling at?” Angel asks Ian, who has a soft but emotional smile on his face as he watches his teammate and his brothers debate race and ethnicity. 

 

“Got my whole team in one room.” 

 

“Sap.” Angel tells him but Ian doesn’t mind.

 

xXx

 

“So how did you know you were brothers?” The interviewer, a sports journalist named William Andrews, asks. 

 

“We just knew.” Angel says. “We could feel it.” 

 

“It’s like we could feel that the universe made a mistake by not making us brothers and was fixing it by throwing us together.” Ian said. 

 

“Now you all actually just decided who was going to be the big brother.” William asks, seeking clarification.

 

“We did. We didn’t care about ages. Quinn is the oldest but I’ll be damned if I call him my big brother.” Angel says. 

 

“We decided Angel is the biggest brother because he’s insanely protective. Then me because I like telling people what to do. The Neiko because he’s short and the Quinn because he used to be the smallest of all of us.” Ian explains. 

 

“Quinn used to be the smallest?” William says in disbelief.

 

“Up until I was fifteen, I was the shortest kid ever. I was so tiny. Growth spurt hurt like hell but was very much worth it.” Quinn explains. 

 

“Is there every any competition or jealousy between you all? You are after all, competitive for a living.” William asks. 

 

“Never.” Quinn says. 

 

“When one of us wins we all win.” Neiko says. 

 

“I remember Neiko was the first whose career really took off, “Ian explains. “and I just remember sitting on my living room floor watching him win an olympic gold medal and just crying my eyes out because it genuinely felt like I had won.” 

 

“Neiko’s career is what started our careers,” Quinn adds. “Watching Neiko win was a pivotal moment for us as athletes, it let us know if we worked hard enough we could stand on top too.” 

 

“If anything we see each other as motivation. It’s always been like that. Once one of us wins the others wanna win too, not to top them but to stand next to them at the top.” Angel clarifies. 

 

“Speaking of standing at the top. All of you have had your names in the conversation for the GOAT, greatest of all time, of your respective sports. How does that feel? Do you agree.” 

 

They all look at each other and with the mental connection only brothers can have they decide who is going to answer. 

 

“When we compete, we’re not think of being the greatest.” Ian explains, “We’re worried about beating the guy next to us, not someone who hasn’t played in years. Sports evolve, there’s no way to measure who’s the greatest. We just want to make sure when we hang it up that we were the greatest we could have been. We want to be able to walk away knowing we gave our all to our sports.” 

 

“Now you all may not have competition amongst each other but with others it’s a different story. For example Nekio your coach who has coached you since you were a child recently offered to train your rival Ming Xio, in the wake of his coach’s retirement. As we head towards Worlds and with Ming being World Champion and you being Olympic champion, does this coaching situation heat up the rivalry.” William bringing up Ming isn’t unexpected but it is annoying to Neiko. 

 

“I don’t consider Ming a rival. I compete against myself and no one else. I beat Ming at the Olympics, after spending a year rehabbing my knee. My knee is good now and I’ll beat him at World’s too. End of discussion.” 

 

It’s clear Neiko is done with that trail of conversation so William smartly moves on. 

 

 “Now it can be hard, juggling a professional career and relationships. Quinn do you find it hard juggling your relationship with Imogen Santiago, transgender daughter of filmmaker Ronaldo Santiago?”

 

It’s clear in his body language that Quinn is offended by the question. Though it's not the question, it’s the wording. 

 

“First of all Imogen is a filmmaker in her own right, she’s not just the daughter of one. Also while she is transgender, saying that only to sensationalize the story is offensive and poor journalism. Yes she is transgender but she’s just like any other woman. So yes I met a woman, liked her and started dating her, but truly our relationship is no ones business but ours.” 

 

With that Quinn gets up to end the interview and the others follow suit. Moving as a complete unit. 

 

xXx

 

After the interview that seemed to go on forever, all four go back to Ian’s place. 

 

They order pizza, which they all put up a mock protest, and crash on Ian’s couch to catch up. They’re laughing and talking but it changes when Axelle walks in. 

 

“Hi Angel,” Axelle says, voice all floaty and dreamy. Axelle’s crush on Angel is old news but it’s always obvious when the two are in the same room. 

 

“Hey Axelle.” Angel says voice low and heavy. Ian glares at Angel with quiet fury. 

 

“We’re here too, in case you care.” Neiko says, gesturing to him and Quinn. 

 

“Hey,” Axelle says, not even looking in their direction. Eyes locked on Angel who can only smile. 

 

“I meant to call you. I wanted to thank you for getting me the internship at your dad’s hospital. It’ll really help with my applications to med school.” Angel reaches across the back of the couch to take Axelle’s hand and kisses the back of it. Axelle damn near faints and lets out the breathiest laugh. 

 

“No problem. I’m glad I could help.” Axelle tells him, still letting Angel hold his hand. 

 

“All right that’s enough of that.” Ian says, reaching over and smacking their hands apart. “Go to your room.” He tells Axelle. 

 

“What, why?” Axelle asks, snapping out of his Angel-induced haze. 

 

“Because you’re being slutty and I hate you. Now go.” Ian orders. 

 

Axelle flips him off but is tired from work so he does in fact go to his room. 

 

Once Axelle is out of the room, Ian lunges at Angel. Quinn catches him, easily and with one arm but Ian still struggles to get to Angel who only laughs. 

 

“I’m sorry did I do something.” Angel asks, still laughing. 

 

“You know I hate when you do that.” Ian whispers, with venom. 

 

“Why? You’ve made it clear you’re not hitting that. Why not keep it in the family?” Angel says, in a low tone. He thinks it’s ridiculous Axelle and Ian aren’t together but he’ll be damned if he’s the one to spill Ian’s secret. 

 

“I am working on it.” Ian says. “It’ll happen when it happens.”

 

“If it happens.” Quinn says. 

 

“Oh I’m sorry. Am I supposed to take advice for you three. Quinn you’re in a fake relationship that’s not even real, Neiko you’re sleeping with the enemy and Angel you’re in a love triangle that connects on all sides. So excuse me if I don’t exactly consider any of you cupid.” 

 


	5. Panic

Axelle wakes up to his phone vibrating under his pillow and a cool wet nose pressed against his cheek. Captain wants her breakfast and wants Axelle up so she can get it. He trudges to the kitchen and refills her food and water dishes and then sits down to check his email and social media accounts. Axelle has always joked that this is like checking the morning paper for people that work on the internet. Once he sends out a good morning tweet he has breakfast and takes his morning medication right on schedule.

After breakfast Axelle showers with Captain sitting at the bottom of his tub enjoying their morning shower like she always does. Once he’s dressed and has snapped on his two medical alert bracelets (one says ‘Epilepsy’ and the other saying ‘Do not separate from dog’) he gets Captain dressed in her working vest with patches that say thing like ‘Stop’, ‘Service Dog. Do Not Pet’, ‘I don’t pet you while you’re working’, and Axelle’s personal favorite ‘You shall not Pet’.

They walk to work like they do everyday and once there Axelle sets to work updating the store’s Facebook and Twitter pages. He tries to get through his work as quickly as possible so he can get home and maybe have a quick nap before the show tonight. He vlogs the concerts he goes to and his fans always love it but the pictures look good on the store’s website and his boss, Winter, secured the tickets for him. His job as part of working for A Little Record Store includes all things related to social media like Facebook, twitter, instagram, poster making and event advertising which is he loves but it also includes representing the store at functions like concerts and parties. Which he loves even more.

When he’s done with that he edits and uploads a video onto his channel. He’s doing an acoustic cover of some trashy pop song everyone is obsessed with at the moment, himself included. He knows his viewers will love it and he had fun doing it for them and he’s sure to mention that in the song’s intro. He sometimes wishes he could perform live because he knows it’s something his fans would love to see but his anxiety is much too strong for that. Everytime he even so much as thinks about it there’s a little nagging in the back of his mind telling him he could have a seizure and piss his pants in front of a live audience and he knows as a musician he could never come back from that. Youtube allows him to perfect his performances before ever allowing anyone to see them. He preaches a lot on his channel about not being embarrassed of your disability but it’s something he continuously struggles with.  
  
As good as his day starts it gets worse nearly as soon as he leaves work. First he runs into a group of drunk frat guys who crowd around him to see Captain which send his anxiety through the roof. Anxiety around large groups of people was a lasting fear that high school left in Axelle after a prank from a group of students left him with a traumatic brain injury. They’d locked him in a dark, empty classroom and began flickering bright fluorescent lights in his eyes. His epilepsy had never been photosensitive but stress and fear were big triggers and they crashed into him, sending him into a seizure that left him falling to the floor and hitting his head on the edge of a desk on the way down.

When he escapes the drunken entrapment of frat boys he’s eager to get home and unwind only to find nearly an entire hockey team in his living room. They cheer when they see Captain and he undoes her vest so she can play and be petted and receive all the attention she wants but also to distract everyone while he makes a hasty escape.

He’s not dumb. He knows they mean no harm, that Ian would never let him get hurt but his anxiety is on ten and he feels helpless as he crawls into his bedroom closet and shuts the door, cocooning himself from the outside world.

He cries. Just a little but his anxiety has him terrified and all he can think of is the guys in high school and the guys on the street and how much they remind him of the guys currently in his living room.

Aside from scared he’s also angry. He thought he was over this. He’d being doing so well since he moved to LA but now huddled up inside a closet in his own home has him wondering if he’d truly made any progress at all. He’s especially angry because he knows the fear is irrational. He’s met Ian’s friends. He knows they’re nice but he just can’t stop the fear that pumps through him like blood. He sits on the floor of his closet alone for nearly an hour when his phone chimes with a text message.

You said you’d call. I’m hurt. Don’t go all Hollywood and forget me. The text is from Emily, one of Axelle’s oldest and best friends.

His hands shake but he manages to send back Can’t. Panicking. He knows Emily will understand and he isn’t surprised when his phone rings a minute later. His voice is shaky when he answers and for a second his words come out in a shaky sob.

“I c-can’t talk. Can’t breathe.”

“Don’t talk. Just breathe with me. In and Out. In and Out.” Emily talks him through breathing exercises even with her occasional coughing and it helps. Soon the room seems to stop spinning and his chest doesn’t seem as tight anymore.   
  
“You wanna talk about it?” Emily asks gently. Axelle doesn’t but seeing as she just talked him down he feels he owes her an explanation.

“I ran into some guys who reminded of the kids from high school and then I came home to a house full of jocks. It’s stupid but suddenly I felt like I was that sixteen year old kid again, locked in that room. So to combat that I locked myself in my closet to hide from them. God, I feel so pathetic. I was supposed to be getting better.”

“You are getting better.” Emily reminds him, “Recovery isn’t a straight line.”

“I know, I just...I don’t want to feel this way every time I come across a group of able bodied people. I want to be better.”

“I know you do but right now you have to calm down. You know stress can trigger a seizure.”

“I know. I’m trying.”

“I know you are.” Emily pauses then says, “How long have you been in there?”

“I’m not sure,” Axelle says, “Maybe an hour.”

“An hour! Have you eaten anything, stress and low blood sugar are not a good combo.”

“No I haven’t eaten. I was going to when I got home from work but I couldn’t walk through the living room with all those people in there.”

“Axelle! No. You have to eat something. Why don’t you text Ian and ask him to bring you some food?”

“I don’t want to bother him. If he knows I had a panic attack he’ll feel guilty and I don’t want that. It’s his house. He should be able to have friends over when he wants.”

“You live there too. You should be able to be comfortable. You should text him.”

“I can’t.”

“Well then I’ll do it for you.”

Axelle tries to tell her no but she’s already hung up. He texts her, telling her to stop but he knows it’s futile. Emily has never been the type to do what she’s told.

A few minutes later there is a knock at the closet door.

“Are you in there?” He hears Ian’s voice ask.

“Yeah.” He says it at a low volume hoping Ian won’t hear but he does.

“Let me rephrase that question. Why are you in there? Emily called but she didn’t go into detail. She just told me to check on you.”

“I’m fine she’s just being dramatic. I’m fine. Go back to your friends. We can talk about this later.”

“Your my best friend and we’ll talk about this now.” Ian says, voice stern but also worried.

“I’m fine really.” Axelle says, “I just can’t do people today.”

“Want me to send everyone home?” Ian offers.

“No, it’s your house. You should be able to have teammates over when you want. Seeing everyone just brought up some bad memories. Go back to you friends I’ll be fine.”

“How about I just hang out here for a while. Just until you’re ready to come out. I brought you some food like Emily told me to and Captain is out here too.”

“Thanks. You can go now.”

“Okay.” Ian says. “I’ll go.”

Axelle sits in the closet for about twenty more minutes before his hunger has him slowly opening the door. Captain rushes up to him. She sticks her nose in his face, smelling his breath and then taps her paw on his face, an alert to low blood sugar. He opens the door fully to see Ian sitting on his floor.

“You said you’d go.” Axelle says.

“I am. I just wanted to make sure you were ok first.”

Axelle feels an all too familiar ache in his chest he’s been feeling for years.

xXx

Ian has the next day off and Axelle makes a point to be out of the house before he wakes up.

He ignores Ian concerned text in favor of burying his head in his work. He’s so in the zone he has to be reminded by his co-worker, Winston, to have lunch. They decide to get lunch together and over lunch Winston drops a bomb on Axelle.

“I have a friend who wants to meet you.”

“What? Why?” Axelle asks.

“He’s seen your videos and has a bit of a crush. When he found out we worked together he begged me to get him an in. He wanted me to mention he’s tall and very good looking.”

“I don’t know if I should be seeing anyone. I mean my boyfriend and I were serious before I left New York and I’m not sure I’m over him just yet.”

“No That’s perfect.” Winston says, “He just got out of something too. And you know the saying, forget your ex with meaningless sex.”

“That is not a saying.” Axelle says with a laugh.

“Then why does it rhyme?” Winston asks. “Check and mate.”

“Fine. I’m free tonight if he wants to do something.”

“I’m sure he’d love too. I’ll text him right now.”

xXx

That night Axelle stands in his mirror regretting ever agreeing to this date.

“Why not just cancel if you don’t want to go?” Ian’s girlfriend, Destiny, asks from her place on the couch.

“I don’t have his number to cancel. Plus he’s probably already on his way.”

“When he comes to the door want me to tell him you’re sick?” Ian offers.

“No. I agreed to this so I should go.”

A knock sounds at the door and when Axelle answers he finds the most beautiful man he’s ever seen.

“Hi, I’m Jesse. It’s super nice to meet. I probably shouldn’t say this but I’ve been watching your videos a long time. Big fan. But I promise not to gush all night. I’ve arranged a game of star trek trivia for us. I know you’re a fan of it.”

“Thanks, that sounds perfect. Let me just grab my phone and keys and we can go.”

Axelle goes to grab his things and as he passes Ian on his way out he feels the need to inform him, “I’m going to have sex with him tonight so don’t wait up.”

“What? Ten minutes ago you didn’t even wanna meet the guy.”

“Yeah that was before he showed up looking like that and wanting to take me to play star trek trivia. I’m hitting that tonight.”

“Fine. But if you can do it at his place.”  


	6. Drunk vs. High Q&A

Axelle tries his best to give his followers what they want. He often asks for them to suggest video ideas and when one video idea seems to be popular he tries to deliver which is why he sits down to do a Q&A with Ian.

“So you guys desperately seem to want Ian and I to do a Q&A and I live to serve so here we are.” Axelle says, “But I thought why not add a twist. So as you know I have epilepsy which mean I am not allowed to drink but Ian can. Ian however cannot smoke weed as a professional athlete but I can. So I present to you the first best friends Q&A that takes place while the aforementioned best friends are drunk and high. I am going to go smoke a bowl.”

“And I’m going to drink as much Hennessy as I can stomach.” Ian says holding up the bottle.

“Be back in thirty.” Axelle says.

Thirty minutes Later

When the two come back on screen Ian is leaning to the side, desperately trying to stay upright while Axelle’s eyes are red and glazed over.

“This was a bad idea.” Ian slurs out.

“I very much agree.” Axelle says, “But we’ll soldier on. First question: were you nervous to live together? They say you should never live with you best friend.”

“Not at all.” Ian answers. “I was angry I had to give up my library. Everybody kept saying Ian has a spare room but no. Ian had a library. It was filled with books and comfy chairs and got good sunlight and I gave that up for my best friend. I’m a fucking great friend.”

“But not good enough to not constantly bring it up?” Axelle asks.

“I said good not great.”

“Right, next question: Where does Ian go when you’re vlogging. We never see him in videos. Well he’s around I just strategically film around him. Like if he’s sitting somewhere I just film in the opposite direction. It’s not that hard. Ian’s pretty stationary.”

“Very true. If I don’t have to work I’m not moving.”

“Oh!” Axelle says very excited. “Someone asked about pet peeves. I hate when Ian talks about his job like it’s a nine to five. He’ll say he’s going to work when he has practice or a game. He calls his teammates co workers. It’s annoying.”

“It is a job.” Ian nearly yells. “I give them labor they give me money. How is that not a job?”

“It’s not the same,” Axelle says. “I have coworkers. Not teammates.”

“Not with that attitude you don’t.” Ian retorts.

“Shut up and answer this question: How did you react when I came out?”

“I didn’t because you didn’t. At least not to me.”

“Very true.” Axelle says. “I didn’t come out to anyone. I just started dating guys and they had to deal with it. I did try to come out to Ian once but then he yelled at me.”

“Because you called me at four a.m. to tell me some shit I already knew!”

“Stop yelling. It wasn’t like that. I was hanging with some friends and they asked me how I came out to Ian and I said I hadn’t. So they told me I should so I called to tell him. I just didn’t realize he was asleep. I told him I was bisexual and he threatened to fly back to New York and break both of my legs.”

“I sure did. And I would do it again. You know how much I love to sleep.”

“Yeah god forbid I interrupt you beauty sleep. Next question is for me, how did I react when you got drafted? I was pissed as hell. If Ian hadn’t gotten drafted he would have gone to college in New York and my best friend wouldn’t have been a thousand miles away. I got over it quick though when I saw how bad he wanted it. I’m going to make the next question the last because I’m super fucking high right now and the room is spinning and I wanna lay down. What’s the angriest we’ve ever been at each other. Ian you can take this one. You already know the answer.”

Ian sits up straight, or tries to and looks directly at what he thinks is the camera but is really just a random spot on the wall. “So let me tell y’all what this motherfucker did. This motherfucker was dying, yes dying. And he told his parents and mine not to tell me. And get this, he did because and I quote ‘he didn’t want me to come home and wreck my career. Can y’all believe that bullshit. My best friend was dying and I wasn’t allowed to know. And like I found out on my own which makes me wonder how fucking far would they have let it go. They were gonna let my best friend die without giving me a chance to say goodbye. What kind of bullshit is that? But because I’m such a good person I found it in my heart to forgive him.”

“Yeah after not talking to me for weeks. He would come and hang out in my hospital room and not talk to me. The nurses couldn’t tell if we were friends or what. I had to literally cry and beg him to talk to me.”

“Oh I’m sorry did I hurt your feelings? Well guess how I fucking felt knowing my best fucking friend kept such a huge thing from me. You know what I’m mad now. I’m fucking leaving.”

Ian stands to leave and nearly immediately has to grab onto the chair for balance.

“When the room stops turning I am fucking out of here.” Ian shouts.

xXx

Ian has the next few days off and he flies to New York to see his brothers. Even Quinn manages to fly into the states to see his brothers. They rent the presidential suite at a five star hotel, have lunch delivered and eat on the patio.

“I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind.” Neiko says. “It feels like Ming has infected not only my gym but also me.”

“What has he done?” Angel asks.

“He’s just always in my gym. He’s always looking at me and talking to me and trying to be my friend. It’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah how dare he.” Ian says with a roll of his eyes.

“Don’t be an ass.” Quinn tells Ian, “He’s really going through it. Believe me I get it.”

“Yeah how’s that fake relationship going?” Angel asks.

“Perfect. Which is terrible. This was supposed to be for publicity and now I think I’m in love with her. She’s awoken parts of me I thought were dead and buried.”

“Why not just tell her how you’re feeling? Tell her you want it to be real?” Neiko questions.

“She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to date another athlete. The first one nearly broke her. I can’t ask her to take a chance on me.” Quinn seems almost defeated as he explains.

“You’re nothing like him.” Ian promises. Neiko and Angel mutter their agreements. “If it makes you feel better I just got dumped by a girl who I thought might have been it.”

“Why would that make me feel better?” Quinn questions. “If anything that makes me feel worse. Are you ok?”

“I think so. I mean I loved her but apparently not enough. She said I was emotionally unavailable. Whatever the hell that means.”

“You know what the hell that means. It means you’re in love with someone else and you know you are.” Angel explains. “You know she wasn’t it because you've already met the person who is.”

“If it was going to be anyone else it would have been her. She was perfect.” Ian counters.

“That’s how you know it isn’t meant to be someone else. Why are you so scared of seeing what’s right in front of you?” Quinn asks. Ian doesn’t have a response.

xXx

Corey knows Ian went to New York so Axelle wonders why he’s at their door.

“I know Ian’s gone which is why I’m here. I wanted to talk to you.” Corey explains.

“Ok yeah. Come on in.” Axelle lets him in and they wind up in the kitchen where Axelle offers him something to eat or drink. Corey accepts a bottle of water. “So what’d you wanna talk about.”

“A few things,” Corey says, “Mostly I wanna ask why you’d keep it from Ian that you were dying?”

Axelle lets out a humorless laugh. “When I first started getting bad my mom and dad took me to see multiple neurologist and none of them could explain why I was suddenly having multiple seizures a day. It was getting bad and I didn’t tell Ian because I knew he’d be there for me. I knew he’d drop everything to come home and sit by my bedside and I couldn’t let him do that. He had this great big career in front of him and I couldn’t let him throw away everything he worked so hard for just so he could watch me fade away.”

“Is that the only reason?” Corey asks.

Axelle shakes his head and looks down. “I needed to be strong. My parents were losing their only child and I needed to be strong for them. The last thing they needed was to see me break down so I told them I wasn’t scared, that I wasn’t worried but I was lying. I was terrified, I was a kid watching myself die and I knew, I just knew that if Ian came home and asked me how I was feeling I would tell him the truth. Ian is the strong one in this friendship and I knew if he came home I wouldn’t be able to be strong anymore. So I didn’t tell him. I know it sounds like a shit thing to do but I was protecting him and me.”

Corey wipes a tear from his eye. “What changed? Are you really better now?” Corey asks this question with sincere concern.

“Another neurologist who worked with my dad saw something in my MRI that everyone else missed. A small bleed in my brain from a traumatic brain injury I got when I hit my head at school. It took a team of the world’s best surgeons to get to it but they got it.”

“One last question,” Corey promises, “Are you in love with Ian?”

xXx

When Ian gets back to LA he can’t shake the words his brother asked him over lunch. What was he scared of? He gets the answer he was looking for that night. First, Axelle explains to him why he’s not going to see Jesse again.

“It just wasn’t a good match. He’s able bodied and you know I don’t do that. What we had was fun but it didn’t mean anything.”

“How’d he take it?” Ian asks.

“Pretty well. I think he could tell we didn’t have a real connection.”

There’s a knock at the door and Axelle moves to answer it. The scream he lets out when he sees who it is nearly deafens Ian. Ian turns to look and sees Axelle’s ex-boyfriend from New York, Ethan. Axelle leaps into his arms and wraps his legs around Ethan’s waist and kisses him. The kiss is dirty, filthy with a lot of tongue and frenzied with passion. When they pull apart Axelle can’t stop smiling and Ethan returns his grin.

“Missed me?” Ethan asks, voice thick with his deaf accent.

“More than you know. What are you doing here?” Axelle makes no move to let go of Ethan and Ethan doesn’t seem to mind.

“I got a fellowship out here with a film company so I’m here for the next three months.”

“I get you for three months?” Axelle can’t stop smiling and his eyes are lit like a kid on Christmas morning.

“Baby you can have me as long as you want me. You know I’m all yours.”

“All mine.” Axelle says before moving in for another kiss. 


End file.
